


moonlight and unspoken words

by violetmessages



Series: ah, the light dances [1]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Domestic, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:41:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29550873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetmessages/pseuds/violetmessages
Summary: It’s not often that Jack gets to see Ianto like this, all soft and unbuttoned, the sort of energy that Ianto has once the quiet energy of the evening turns to a languid night.
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Series: ah, the light dances [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2172381
Comments: 31
Kudos: 56





	moonlight and unspoken words

**Author's Note:**

  * For [someawkwardprose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/someawkwardprose/gifts).



> for ruairidh because you put me in a janto mood and I can't say no at this hour <3

It’s not often that Jack gets to see Ianto like this, all soft and unbuttoned, the sort of energy that Ianto has once the quiet energy of the evening turns to a languid night. Jack watches as Ianto shucks off his trousers lazily and tosses them in the laundry basket and he follows suit, ignoring the urge to just leave his clothes there, on the floor. He does respect Ianto’s rule about clothes, and he’s worried that the atmosphere they’re in, the one that they rarely get the chance to experience, will dissolve if he does anything to annoy him. Ianto turns to him and smiles, a soft smile, one that few have the privilege of seeing. A smile that could light up whole cities with how beautiful it is, a smile that Jack simultaneously wants the whole world to see and wants to keep to himself. 

Because he’s tired and old and Ianto Jones’ smile is one of the many things about Ianto that he’s chosen to share with Jack and no one else. He wants to show the whole world Ianto’s smile, show that Ianto Jones’ smile is his, show them that _yes,_ Ianto Jones, a man who deserves more than Jack can possibly offer, has chosen him, a man from the far far away, a man not even from his century, a man who cannot possibly show him the kind of love that he deserves. And simultaneously, he wants to hoard Ianto’s smile, keep it for him and him alone, because he is still, at heart, selfish. He’s like a miser, hoarding the parts of Ianto that he gets to have, refusing to let anyone else see them. 

“Coming?” Ianto asks. Jack nods. 

He’s always like this when he gets tired, preferring not to speak, parsing his words down as much as he can. It’s adorable, but then again, there’s not much of Ianto that’s not. 

Jack follows Ianto to his bed, laying beside him and grins when Ianto turns onto his front and latches himself onto Jack, laying his head in the crook of Jack’s shoulder. Jack wraps his arms around Ianto, gently rubbing his back. This is his favorite way to fall asleep, clasped around Ianto, his gentle breathing tickling the side of Jack’s neck. 

There’s a sort of sanctity during the nights, a time when Ianto’s not all there but Jack is, when he’s pliant enough to accept the comfort that he so rarely takes but so _richly_ deserves. When the tension melts away from Ianto’s bones, when he can be at ease in a way that he’s not always. Because Ianto’s always on, during the day. Ianto has a mask and yes the full shielding, the fake persona he used to have has dropped around the Hub, but there are layers to his shielding, the sort of layering you get when you break down enough and no one is there to help you, so you create a falsehood, an image of certainty, of confidence, of pretending that you are here, that you are always fine and alright and okay and everyone can lean on you, everyone can trust and support you. The kind of layering where, even if you are breaking apart, you look like you are having the time of your life. The kind of layering that Ianto almost never takes down. 

Except with him. 

Because he trusts Jack enough to let him stay, let him occupy _his_ flat and _his_ life. Lets him see the Ianto without the mask, without the shielding, lets him see not just the smile on top but the hurricane down below, _trusts_ him enough for it. When he’s at home, the act drops, the Ianto below shines, and Jack is beyond grateful that Ianto trusts him enough with it. That he lets Jack stay there even when he doesn’t sleep, lets Jack hold him and _be_ in his life at all. Because by all measures, Jack doesn’t deserve it. He’s a two bit conman, a man who can’t say the words he feels, a man who has done terrible, horrible things, a man who _isn’t_ good.

But he _is_ there, he is in Jack’s arms, because Ianto Jones believes that he _is_ good, Ianto looks past all of the terrible horrible parts of Jack and believes that Jack is a good man, that he deserves Ianto, that he’s capable of being a hero. Ianto makes him _want_ to be a better man, so he can live up to Ianto’s image of him. Ianto makes him _want_ to say those words, those words that he can never quite open his mouth and tell him, the words that he deserves to hear, the words that feels deep deep within him, the words that can’t quite describe exactly how he feels about Ianto, but are the only words to come even close. 

And Ianto never asks him to. 

No matter how much it might hurt, Ianto never asks him to say them, the words he feels, the words he tries to put into every action he does, but will never come out of his mouth. The ones that Ianto should hear everyday, but they are words that he never does. Ianto never asks him, Ianto never pressures him, and it is upsetting that he never does because he deserves to hear them. Ianto deserves to _want_ to hear them, but he never does ask for those words, those elusive words. Ianto deserves to be _loved,_ to hear that he is loved and to hear those words every day. 

But Ianto never does ask, and Ianto never will ask, and Jack cannot tell, so they are in a loop, a dance with each other, where neither does tell, and neither will ask, but both feel. 

And by god does Jack _feel_. 

Jack feels love when he smells the scent of a fresh blend of coffee, when he sees the way Ianto winces at Jack’s sloppy paperwork, when he feels the smoothness of Ianto’s skin against his. When Ianto smiles and when Ianto does his adorable frown, he feels love when he kisses against the high points of Ianto’s cheekbones, against the sloping of his nose, and against the prominence of Ianto’s neck. He feels love when Ianto hands him a coffee and a wink, when Ianto complains about rugby, when he falls asleep against Jack and starts to drool, even when he swears that he doesn’t. 

He feels love in the way that Ianto has takeout for every meal but orders some kind of vegetable just because Jack is concerned he might get malnourished otherwise. He feels love in the silent touches that Ianto has started to give, simply because Jack loves to touch, loves to feel him. And he feels love in the way Ianto holds him every time he dies, without fail. He feels so much for this beautiful, broken man, far too much for even him to comprehend on some days. 

It’s during the quiet nights and the lazy mornings when Jack remembers how much he feels. He feels with the intensity of chasing weevils, the calm of paperwork, the joy of kissing him as much as he possibly can. 

It’s the sort of thing that Jack takes for granted sometimes - and he has to remind himself not to, because Ianto is not forever like him. Ianto will go, Ianto will leave him, either of his own volition or of nature’s, and Jack will simply have to live with that. But Jack never says those words because he just can’t and Ianto never asks because he is far too selfless and Jack simply holds him, holds Ianto under the silvery moonlight from the open window and feels far too much. He feels and feels and feels and never tells. 

Jack wonders how he will go on once Ianto Jones is no longer here to walk the earth with him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos/Comments are always appreciated!
> 
> Find me on tumblr [here](https://violetmessages.tumblr.com/)


End file.
